i keep trying to break out of this cage named inferiority. sheer force-of-will can break the bars built from lies, right?
white knuckles, the bootstraps thing. push, push, push.
the bars slowly pull back. the will of mind is working. i make it out, but in another slow-motion take, i’m pulled back in. how does this happen? does the cage have arms to pull me back? if running doesn’t work, what will?
if you repeat the story enough it becomes true. no. though it is work to tell a different story, a new one, i will do the work. in the midst of the work, the cage seems to fade.
did i ever leave? did the cage really go? did i have the strength? too many questions. perhaps it’s not about the strength anyway. perhaps it’s about the surrender.
the burden can be carried by someone else. if i allow it, if i will it. i don’t prefer the option that is dependence, yet this may be the only way out. the only way out is in. the only way in is down. as close to the floor as i can get my head.
less work, most stillness.
less force, more rest.
a new truth, maybe the real truth, is spoken and overcomes me. just as the ocean rushes over my body while i lay in the sand. face up.
the sun will shine again.
i melt. i sink. the sand is my home. the shape of my body is left on the ground, a valley on the beach. a valley i call home.