ten years

I know little about marriage, or it is better said that I know very little about marriage in a general sense. I know about my marriage. I knew I wanted to write about the marital journey thus far, and while there are countless lessons learned, I think my marriage to Ashley has consistently been summed up with the question:

How can I help?

It’s the question Ashley and I have asked each other repeatedly, whether verbally, or through glances and gentle touches. Checking in on one another, tapping out when the going is too rough to bear, repenting, and forgiving (both requiring a deep sense of vulnerability) are all flavors of the question. How can I help?

How? Ashley and I go together like peanut butter and jelly, or maybe our union is more surprising like jalapeno chocolate- at any rate, we fit together quite perfectly. I’m fully committed to the idea that God knew best in bringing us together. We would serve this world better together than apart. We are doers, movers, and problem solvers. Any talk without action gives us the heeby-jeebies. Life is too short. We’ve promised we cannot be weak together. We must take turns. For that, I am grateful. Like repentance and forgiveness, we trust each other enough to ask how trust is the bedrock of our union.

Can I? Sometimes we don’t want our problems fixed, but just to be heard. Although we strive to offer solutions, there is also room for listening without the motive of fixing the problem. When asking to help, we are confirming that our help is even wanted. With trust as the bedrock, freedom emerges. Our worth is not in what we do or how we fix problems but in who we are as humans,

two souls intertwined for the remainder of our time on earth.

Help? The only way we can offer ourselves is by trusting that our partner will deal with us kindly. Trust breeds freedom and freedom vulnerability. I view Ashely as my helpmate, Russel Moore says, “not because she is below him but because he cannot carry out the mission before him alone. He must be joined to another, one who comes from his side… Our lives as men and women should remind us that we need another.” Helping, or at least one’s attempt, is layered and complex.

Ashley and I started dating in the winter of 2010. I always knew Ashley was the woman for me, it was always going to be her, but I would have never imagined who we would become nearly thirteen years later. Marriage ages you, yes, but marriage (or at least our marriage) fills us up, makes us better humans, and reminds us to breathe easy. This life was not meant to be lived solely for ourselves, and that’s the beautiful part.

Cheers to ten years, countless laughs, tears, and embraces. Cheers to two beautiful little girls, stepping out in faith and endless possibilities. Cheers to Jesus, the One holding us together, and cheers to you, Ash, for saying yes to this marriage every day. Thank you.

-L