The Gray

We often want a summary of what God is doing in our lives on a seasonal, weekly, or even daily basis. But sometimes He doesn’t offer that. And that’s okay.

- On Mercy

I recently listened to a sermon where the pastor outlined how to deal with suffering in our lives. He not only claimed that suffering is given by God but also encouraged the church to look inward, implying that the length of our suffering is tied to whether we “pass the test.” According to him, once we understand what God is trying to teach us through suffering, it will come to an end. I could spend time unpacking and critiquing this seemingly damaging theology of suffering, but instead, I want to focus on a broader issue—the attempt to simplify our journey on this earth into steps and tasks to be completed.

In my time with the Lord, I am realizing two things: the world is broken, and life cannot be reduced to easy answers. It would be nice if life worked like a checklist—where each season was neatly wrapped up into lessons learned, trials overcame, and God explaining everything in a way we could understand. But that is not our reality. Sometimes, there is no lesson to be learned. Sometimes, evil seems to prevail on this side of Heaven. And this is where faith comes in—faith that God is good even in suffering. Faith that God mourns over this world alongside those of us in mourning.

Why does God allow suffering? Why do bad things happen to good people? I have ideas but regardless of my ideas, faith calls us to believe that God is just, even in the face of injustice. Faith reminds us that God is mighty, even when He doesn’t act in the way we hoped He would. Our prayers should be less about moving God and more about becoming one with Him. Following Jesus is an invitation to being comfortable in the unknown. We want to be able to control our outcomes with steps and explanations, yet God calls us to another way.

I am learning to stand in the gray not becoming undone by the challenges of my season of life—a season that cannot be neatly categorized into simple explanations of why I am here, and why God has allowed it. The suffering I know now and the suffering I will face tomorrow may not change based on my prayers, my faith, or my attitude, and I am at peace with that. God has not given up on me yet—and I am a mess. I don’t understand what is happening in our world, but that leads me to daily surrender—trusting that God does know what’s going on and why. He is present amid every corrupt leader and oppressive regime. He stands with those who are marginalized and pushed to the fringes of society. God is with us.

May He give me thick skin and a tender heart. I need to feel, but not be ruined.

-L