This is 30.
30 years of life. The end of an era. The beginning of a new decade. My 30th birthday marks the end of 2020 and the start of 2021. Weird. My failures accuse me of all that I am not, of all that I have missed. Guilt sits with me a little longer than preferred, and honestly, it all makes sense to me. The condemnation and shame of those failures feel the most right. No wonder I never question them. Yet as I seek God this morning, on the anniversary of the day He gave me life, I feel loved. Sometimes believing the love of God is the greatest act of faith.
To think that the God of the universe delights in time spent with me is beyond my understanding. This truth does not feel like truth at all. This reality can not be real, but it is. The love God has for me is the most-real thing on earth. I am finding the beautiful fact of God's love is that it does not end with acceptance; it starts there. The end is complete union with Him. He is calling me to a deeper nature of faith, and to a life fully-lived.
This is 30.
The acceptance of who I really am, to love myself, was found in my late 20s. It was freeing to finally begin seeing myself as God does. This meant I not only embraced the present reality of my humanity but also acknowledged who I am not yet. A paradox maybe, but a dilemma it is not.
Growing up isn’t the problem... Forgetting is. - The Little Prince
As I enter into my 30th year of life, may I grow into the love God always planned for me. On the eve of this birthday, I made the greatest move of my life, both physically and emotionally. While I am not debating the accuracy of this decision, I found myself still working through the purpose of the decision. Not anymore.
This is 30.
I will not think hard about the whys of life anymore. I will spend more time on the what. I am to love my ladies (my two daughters and wife) deeply, to love my neighbors sacrificially, and to love my God unashamedly. A new dawn has arrived, and it is not even January 1st yet. So cheers to another year. Cheers to humility and to growing into full confidence in the love of God. Cheers to new art and creating and seeing the world in a new way again. Cheers to hope and hard work. Cheers all around.
This is 30.