To be an Adult

Because I refuse to use the word Adulting in a title

I read somewhere that part of the struggles facing Millennials is we were led to believe life happened in predictable rhythms. Milestones, if you will. Life was simple: attend grade school, go to college, start a career, get married, buy a house, have children, work hard, then retire on a beach somewhere. It could be a tad out of order, but those were the beats, the rhythms of adulthood. I don’t blame my parents, or my parents, parents for instilling in me this life. Everyone in the last three generations was working for a life like that- the “good life.” But as I’ve progressed deeper into my adulthood, a sinking feeling of lostness has begun to loom over me. It’s not just me, so I’ve read. Millennials are hitting age milestones but not the promised life milestones. Where did we do wrong?

With the start of 2024, I’ve been thinking a lot about the life I’ve built and how proud I am. Even if the house hasn’t been bought or the career established; I am proud. Even though I may not feel like an adult, I am one. What is being an adult supposed to “feel like” anyway? I remember watching my parents and seeing their reality; I felt overwhelmed. How did they do it all?! Insurance, taxes, doctor and DMV visits, vacations, and bills. I didn’t know how they did it, but they did. And then it hits me, I don’t know how I’m doing it either, but I do. I’m living. And while there are days when it feels like I’m just surviving, I find that I am not merely surviving; I am living. Truly, I am! This is what it means to live: to love, and be loved in return! For what greater reason to live than that? I wish this could set Millienials free! That even if there is no spouse, or house, or career, or kids, we can all love- and be loved in return.

Bringing it back to a personal lense, I’ve always said and will continue to say that my daughters will be the judges at the end of the day. They will judge the life I lived behind the front door of my house; they will judge my parenting and my wealth management ( lol, but seriously! Think about how our kids will have access to our finances when we’re all 82 years old). They will judge the outward expression of my walk with Christ. All of me. They have known me since they were born, and I, them. They will have the final say on this heart of who Louis Holstein was and who Louis Holstein wanted to be. This idea informs my parenting. Every kid has some form of daddy/mommy issues, but amid whatever issues they may have with me, what I do long for my daughters to know is this:

- Papi loved us with his whole self; he loved Mami deeper than we would ever know.

- Papi didn’t always know what he was doing, but it never stopped him from doing it.

- Papi served Jesus not only with his mind and heart but with his hands and feet too.

- Papi loved art, not just for a cool aesthetic, but because he thought that art was powerful and beautiful. He thought art could build a more empathetic world.

- Papi was intimately aware of his flaws, dangerously curious, and apologetic until the end.

Kind of strange to end a post about being an adult with a record of my preferred eulogy. Maybe this is part of being an adult- having an acute awareness of the finite time we have here. Maybe.

Hopefully, some part of this was encouraging. You are not behind in your adult life. Be proud of where you are at! You’ve worked this far; keep pressing forward. We only have one life, make the best of it. I’m here with you, doing the same.

your friend,

L