(Un)Wasted Space
Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, “It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.”
-Genesis 41:51
When I first heard Anna Golden’s new album, my expectations were satisfied with a well-written, sung, and produced new work. I have several favorite songs, but the one I keep returning to lately is Manassah. I was on a run the other day and it shuffled its way into the mix. While I wouldn’t pitch it as my go-to running song, listening to it while running allowed the lyrics to soak into my soul. In the first verse, Anna says
You redeem the innocence that’s stolen
You return the years I thought were taken
You’re rebuilding every broken home inside my heart, and you made it all better.
You return the years I thought were taken. Yes.
The theme of my life has been simple: God has bestowed upon me His beautiful grace and mercy while inviting me to live a life of faith, filled with dependence and complete trust in Him. It’s simple, but I make it complicated. Perhaps we all do. My worst days are when my trust in God turns to vapor, exiting my life as if I have never known Him or His miraculous ways. My faith struggle is never about whether God exists or not, but if God is who He says He is: that God is good, that God is kind, and that God is in control. Remembering and believing those truths require every ounce of my faith.
More recently, I am finding my struggle of faith to surround my current circumstances and God’s use of them in the whole of my life. While I’m grateful for the journey God has taken me and my family through thus far, there are days and nights when I am doubtful I’m on the right track. What decision did I make incorrectly? Is it truly God who led me to where I am right now? What is God up to? Has my life been wasted?
Has God wasted my life?
Golden’s Manasseh reminded me God does not allow a day to go to waste. With God, there is no job, there is no hardship, and there is no season of life that He has not perfectly orchestrated to be used in a manner that would bring him glory and honor. What a privilege that I am not merely playing a main character role in this life, but instead I am part of a larger story. This story didn’t start with me, and it certainly will not end with me. I am playing a role that is part of a larger body of believers, who have given their lives to the mercy of God. So it is not merely that he redeems the parts of my life that I thought were lost; it is that he was using them all along. He causes me to forget the pain of silence, injustice, and misunderstanding. Nothing was lost on God. Nothing is ever lost with God. This gives me a renewed sense of purpose, knowing that every step I take today matters, and it gives me the freedom to let go of my expectations. At the end of the song Anna invites the listener to do just that: let go.
Because God causes us to forget, we can let go of what we thought we knew about the use of our lives. He is going to make use of every wrong and every right, of every joy and every pain. We can be free to love other people, we can be free to know that God always knew. We then move from freedom to gratitude. From glory to glory.
-L